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 JW:FK Criticism Rewrites.

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Spiegel
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PostSubject: JW:FK Criticism Rewrites.   Thu Jun 28, 2018 2:52 pm

So, with all the back and forth going I decided to start this thread. My intent is to show how many of my criticisms could be fixed, by putting my own twist on it as if I wrote the script. I invite others to do the same. Part of my point is to show how little effort it would take to just cover some bases, fill some holes, and create character development and/or meaningful dialogue.

My first attempt at this is going to involve Sorna and the meeting at Lockwood Manor:

- --- - - - - - -

*Mills and Claire approach a 3D built map of an island in center of

Mills: We have a piece of land, a sanctuary protected by natural barriers, fully self sustaining. A new home where the dinosaurs will be secure and free.
Claire: You're going to get them out? You're going to save them?

*Lockwood enters from behind in his wheelchair*

Lockwood: No Ms. Dearing, I'm going to save us. We could both use a touch of redemption couldn't we? Lovely to see you again.

*Lockwood reaches up and Claire bends down to shake his hand, smiling*

Claire: And you Mr. Lockwood

Lockwood: This was all John Hammond's dream. To let these creatures live in peace. So, we have created sanctuary.

*Lockwood points to the 3D model of the island.

Lockwood: No fences, no cages, no tourists. Just as mother nature intended. John said it best: These creatures dont need our protection, they need our absence.

****NEW SPIEGEL VERSION!***

Claire: Where is this island? Is this Isla Sorna?

Lockwood: No, my dear. Isla Sorna has all but collapsed due to the unbalanced removal of species to fill the Park. The ecosystem is no longer able to support these dinosaurs. Its why I'm willing to save those still on Isla Nublar, these are the last surviving dinosars in the world.

*Mills interjects*

Mills: The Costa Rican Government still has rights to those islands as well. Though we could still attempt move them to safety on Isla Sorna, reestablish the ecosystem,  we could still be bound by political red tape. Here we can keep and continue to maintain the creatures without the threat of outside influences. It is far more beneficial for the remaining dinosaurs to be housed where we can intervene however and whenever we need to, on Mr. Lockwood's island.

Lockwood: Isla Sorna is not

***Original****

When we were young, we both shared this passion, John and I. What fools we were, trying to run before we'd learned to walk, as all young men do I suppose. But we learned, unfortunately in the end it drove us apart. Life teaches us some very hard lessons, doesn't it Claire.

Claire: Yes

*Iris enters*

Iris: Sir Benjamin.

- - - - -


Its that simple to resolve. It could obviously be written slightly better, I dont do scripts, but you get the idea. Here, Sorna is discussed and resolved. We know that the islands ecosystem is beyond repair and the Costa Rican government still has rights to the islands. It creates two possible reasons for Lockwoods island to be the better choice and why it cant be Sorna. This is probably 1 minute of total dialogue and has plugged one of the major plot holes, without Viral Marketing.

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PostSubject: Re: JW:FK Criticism Rewrites.   Thu Jun 28, 2018 3:07 pm

@Spiegel wrote:


Claire: Where is this island? Is this Isla Sorna?

Mills: The Costa Rican Government still has rights to Sorna, this is another island. Here we can keep and continue to maintain the creatures without the threat of outside influences. It is far more beneficial for the remaining dinosaurs to be housed where we can intervene however and whenever we need to, on Mr. Lockwood's island.

---

Its that simple to resolve. It could obviously be written slightly better, I dont do scripts, but you get the idea. Here, Sorna is discussed and resolved. We know that the islands ecosystem is beyond repair and the Costa Rican government still has rights to the islands. It creates two possible reasons for Lockwoods island to be the better choice and why it cant be Sorna. This is probably 1 minute of total dialogue and has plugged one of the major plot holes, without Viral Marketing.

Fixed it. I think your version was way too long and audience would feel that like obvious exposition. Also, I think the audience would be enough satisfied with just one reason. But I like the idea!

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PostSubject: Re: JW:FK Criticism Rewrites.   Thu Jun 28, 2018 3:24 pm

Although it didn't really affect me enjoyment of the film, I agree that it would have been nice to explain what happened to Sorna. It would strengthen the lore, and it was the setting of two films in the franchise after all. Hopefully Colin will address Sornagate in JW3 like he did heelgate in FK.
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PostSubject: Re: JW:FK Criticism Rewrites.   Thu Jun 28, 2018 4:00 pm

@Owenpratt I found it lengthy myself but I decided to throw it all in. I'm not much of a script writer, but figured I'd present both ideas at once. I guess my point is also this is where the movie falls flat. It's just filling in the dialogues genetic code to help complete DNA sequence. Just a few extra lines of dialogue here and there could really redeem some of the downfalls.

@Dilophosaurus what's heal gate? I wasnt really around d the forums when JW came out so I must have missed it.

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PostSubject: Re: JW:FK Criticism Rewrites.   Thu Jun 28, 2018 4:09 pm

Everyone is talking about heelgate, but nobody mentions pachygate. Now THAT was hillarious lmao Very Happy
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PostSubject: Re: JW:FK Criticism Rewrites.   Thu Jun 28, 2018 4:17 pm

@Spiegel wrote:

@Dilophosaurus what's heal gate? I wasnt really around d the forums when JW came out so I must have missed it.

People didn't think it was believable that Claire could wander/run around Isla Nublar in high heels the whole movie...like, "I buy there's an park with dinosaurs in it, but not Claire's foot wear?" Okay then.
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PostSubject: Re: JW:FK Criticism Rewrites.   Thu Jun 28, 2018 4:28 pm

@Dv-218 wrote:
Everyone is talking about heelgate, but nobody mentions pachygate. Now THAT was hillarious lmao Very Happy

What's pachygate lol?
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PostSubject: Re: JW:FK Criticism Rewrites.   Thu Jun 28, 2018 4:32 pm

@Dilophosaurus wrote:
@Dv-218 wrote:
Everyone is talking about heelgate, but nobody mentions pachygate. Now THAT was hillarious lmao Very Happy

What's pachygate lol?

It sounds like Paki, which hurt some poor people's feelings.

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=pakis

On topic: I do like how Sorna gets better explained. I agree that it could use some more explanation in the movie.
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PostSubject: Re: JW:FK Criticism Rewrites.   Thu Jun 28, 2018 4:43 pm

@Amadieus wrote:
@Dilophosaurus wrote:
@Dv-218 wrote:
Everyone is talking about heelgate, but nobody mentions pachygate. Now THAT was hillarious lmao Very Happy

What's pachygate lol?

It sounds like Paki, which hurt some poor people's feelings.

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=pakis

On topic: I do like how Sorna gets better explained. I agree that it could use some more explanation in the movie.

Wow that's pretty stupid. It's obviously not meant in a racist way.
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PostSubject: Re: JW:FK Criticism Rewrites.   Thu Jun 28, 2018 4:50 pm

Here's another way to do it as well, referencing Sorna.

*Owen and Claire are seated across from each other at the bar*

Owen: Claire, there is no reason to save the dinosaurs on Nublar. That other island is still full of them... uh ... what's it called again..

*Owen stairs up as he tries to remember, his fingers make a snapping motion slowly but generate now sound.

Claire: You mean Sorna Ow....

*Owen snaps his fingers and points at Claire, interrupting her*

Owen: Yeah, that's it!

* Claire's face becomes serious and slightly distraught. She sighs before she beginnings speaking*

Claire: Owen, Sorna doesn't exist anymore, at least not like it did. When Marsani took over and started the park, we strip mined the place, we needed to fill the park as fast as possible with dinosaurs. There just aren't any left there.

*her face saddens and her tone also conveys regret in the fact that she had contributed to this situation to some degree*

Owen: So, dinosaurs on Nublar are all that's left...

Claire: Yes, this is our one and only chance to save them.

-----

I didn't include the rest of the dialogue as I'm not able to get to it on my phone but you get the idea.

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PostSubject: Re: JW:FK Criticism Rewrites.   Thu Jun 28, 2018 10:12 pm

@owenpratt wrote:
@Spiegel wrote:


Claire: Where is this island? Is this Isla Sorna?

Mills: The Costa Rican Government still has rights to Sorna, this is another island. Here we can keep and continue to maintain the creatures without the threat of outside influences. It is far more beneficial for the remaining dinosaurs to be housed where we can intervene however and whenever we need to, on Mr. Lockwood's island.

---

Its that simple to resolve. It could obviously be written slightly better, I dont do scripts, but you get the idea. Here, Sorna is discussed and resolved. We know that the islands ecosystem is beyond repair and the Costa Rican government still has rights to the islands. It creates two possible reasons for Lockwoods island to be the better choice and why it cant be Sorna. This is probably 1 minute of total dialogue and has plugged one of the major plot holes, without Viral Marketing.

Fixed it. I think your version was way too long and audience would feel that like obvious exposition. Also, I think the audience would be enough satisfied with just one reason. But I like the idea!

I mean you no offense, but I do like his version better.

His version also hits on the fact Sorna was wiped of dinosaurs and taken to JW. I feel like a lot of the GA(the ones who atleast somewhat care) are probably a little confused as to why the animals on Nublar are the last. Just my take.
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PostSubject: Re: JW:FK Criticism Rewrites.   Thu Jun 28, 2018 10:50 pm

I love this idea of a thread Spiegel thank you. Everyone just getting in now but please leave any bashing out of this thread. This is reserved for constructive criticism work.

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PostSubject: Re: JW:FK Criticism Rewrites.   Fri Jun 29, 2018 4:20 am

I agree that the status of Sorna should've been explained more in the film itself. I don't like that Trevorrow seems to actively avoid it.
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