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 Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal

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Levine
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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Tue 7 Nov 2017 - 19:23

This thread is going off the rails a tad. If you want, feel free to move this discussion to the Politics thread (or make one, if we don't have one already, can't remember).

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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Tue 7 Nov 2017 - 22:20

Everyone calm down. We're all still people here. Some of whom have known each other for years. Im just trying to ask for peace here and just everyone needs to take a chill pill.

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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Wed 8 Nov 2017 - 9:43

@Spinosaur4.4 wrote:
Taking meds are really making me better! I'm so glad I finally can "breathe" happiness. I feel like I've been born from ashes.
That's great news! I'm really glad to hear that!

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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Mon 11 Dec 2017 - 7:50

This isnt my usual style but its reached the point that I feel the need to vent. Its directly related to Jurassic Mainframe and Jurassic Park Legacy.

I feel like an outcast here. I have for quite some time. After my falling out with Ty on JPL things have never been the same. People I used to consider friends from JPL, and now here, dont talk to me or acknowledge me. Any attempted contributions seem to be overlooked or forgotten. It just really kind of sucks.

It all started over some issues with leadership in the Live the Legend RPG. I poured my everything into because I loved the game and it was an escape from other issues. When a member that was frequently inactive for long periods of time was handed the administrative position I spoke out. I also spoke out about the issues between LTL and JPL staff that was growing. I later got into an argument with JPL leadership and was banned. I did act sort of childish but at the same time, only gave back what I had received.

Its literally been years since than. I've resolved my issues with Ty and said my peace a few times. However, I cant help but to feel like the cloud still hangs over my head.

I have a love for RPGs, specifically LTL, and have attempted to save it to the best of my ability. I created a forum and found tons of the original content to reform it. I tried bringing it into the Jurassic Park community as whole, advertising and link swapping with different JP sites. I bugged the heck out of all the former players I could find to join. Yet, it wasnt enough and it failed.

Now, at least 14 people have voted yes to bring an RPG to mainframe once again. Yet, none have bothered to consider even acknowledging Jurassic Role Play exists. It sucks, a lot.

So now I'm coming here and posting it again as well as in the RPG poll to no avail.

I just dont understand if Im so ill liked due to assumptions about the past or if my work sucks? Maybe no one cares or its all about my personality. I just dont understand why I seem to be as valuable as fish crap at the bottom of a pond.

So, if anyone could explain or just even acknowledge that I posted this, that'd be great because feeling like a permanent outcast among you really sucks. I'm just trying to either clear the air or clarify the hints to go away that I've been missing.

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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Mon 11 Dec 2017 - 7:54

@Spiegel wrote:
This isnt my usual style but its reached the point that I feel the need to vent. Its directly related to Jurassic Mainframe and Jurassic Park Legacy.

I feel like an outcast here. I have for quite some time. After my falling out with Ty on JPL things have never been the same. People I used to consider friends from JPL, and now here, dont talk to me or acknowledge me. Any attempted contributions seem to be overlooked or forgotten. It just really kind of sucks.

It all started over some issues with leadership in the Live the Legend RPG. I poured my everything into because I loved the game and it was an escape from other issues. When a member that was frequently inactive for long periods of time was handed the administrative position I spoke out. I also spoke out about the issues between LTL and JPL staff that was growing. I later got into an argument with JPL leadership and was banned. I did act sort of childish but at the same time, only gave back what I had received.

Its literally been years since than. I've resolved my issues with Ty and said my peace a few times. However, I cant help but to feel like the cloud still hangs over my head.

I have a love for RPGs, specifically LTL, and have attempted to save it to the best of my ability. I created a forum and found tons of the original content to reform it. I tried bringing it into the Jurassic Park community as whole, advertising and link swapping with different JP sites. I bugged the heck out of all the former players I could find to join. Yet, it wasnt enough and it failed.

Now, at least 14 people have voted yes to bring an RPG to mainframe once again. Yet, none have bothered to consider even acknowledging Jurassic Role Play exists. It sucks, a lot.

So now I'm coming here and posting it again as well as in the RPG poll to no avail.

I just dont understand if Im so ill liked due to assumptions about the past or if my work sucks? Maybe no one cares or its all about my personality. I just dont understand why I seem to be as valuable as fish crap at the bottom of a pond.

So, if anyone could explain or just even acknowledge that I posted this, that'd be great because feeling like a permanent outcast among you really sucks. I'm just trying to either clear the air or clarify the hints to go away that I've been missing.

Most people don't like having to hop sites to be apart of something supposed to be connected. Plus you were making it at a time where this place was dead (mostly). Now it's different because this place is alive now.

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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Mon 11 Dec 2017 - 8:11

@Levine wrote:
@Spiegel wrote:
This isnt my usual style but its reached the point that I feel the need to vent. Its directly related to Jurassic Mainframe and Jurassic Park Legacy.

I feel like an outcast here. I have for quite some time. After my falling out with Ty on JPL things have never been the same. People I used to consider friends from JPL, and now here, dont talk to me or acknowledge me. Any attempted contributions seem to be overlooked or forgotten. It just really kind of sucks.

It all started over some issues with leadership in the Live the Legend RPG. I poured my everything into because I loved the game and it was an escape from other issues. When a member that was frequently inactive for long periods of time was handed the administrative position I spoke out. I also spoke out about the issues between LTL and JPL staff that was growing. I later got into an argument with JPL leadership and was banned. I did act sort of childish but at the same time, only gave back what I had received.

Its literally been years since than. I've resolved my issues with Ty and said my peace a few times. However, I cant help but to feel like the cloud still hangs over my head.

I have a love for RPGs, specifically LTL, and have attempted to save it to the best of my ability. I created a forum and found tons of the original content to reform it. I tried bringing it into the Jurassic Park community as whole, advertising and link swapping with different JP sites. I bugged the heck out of all the former players I could find to join. Yet, it wasnt enough and it failed.

Now, at least 14 people have voted yes to bring an RPG to mainframe once again. Yet, none have bothered to consider even acknowledging Jurassic Role Play exists. It sucks, a lot.

So now I'm coming here and posting it again as well as in the RPG poll to no avail.

I just dont understand if Im so ill liked due to assumptions about the past or if my work sucks? Maybe no one cares or its all about my personality. I just dont understand why I seem to be as valuable as fish crap at the bottom of a pond.

So, if anyone could explain or just even acknowledge that I posted this, that'd be great because feeling like a permanent outcast among you really sucks. I'm just trying to either clear the air or clarify the hints to go away that I've been missing.

Most people don't like having to hop sites to be apart of something supposed to be connected. Plus you were making it at a time where this place was dead (mostly). Now it's different because this place is alive now.

On that note, yes the site was dead-ish. However, my attempts to establish an affiliation were never really acknowledged either. That may or may not have helped. The fact that it was, ties back into the out cast part. Also, yes, some may not like hoping sites but my intent was not to limit to the RPG to a single audience in which some members might be turned away by issues that formerly existed with JPL, so it made sense to me.

Finally, I did attempt to have something to do with the RPG here, applying to be staff and playing. I feel like my application fell on deaf ears because of who I am, so I decided to go where the "cloud of former judgement" couldnt linger over my head.

I dont mean to sound rude or anything, just expressing how I feel about all of this.
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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Mon 11 Dec 2017 - 8:41

@Spiegel wrote:
@Levine wrote:
@Spiegel wrote:
This isnt my usual style but its reached the point that I feel the need to vent. Its directly related to Jurassic Mainframe and Jurassic Park Legacy.

I feel like an outcast here. I have for quite some time. After my falling out with Ty on JPL things have never been the same. People I used to consider friends from JPL, and now here, dont talk to me or acknowledge me. Any attempted contributions seem to be overlooked or forgotten. It just really kind of sucks.

It all started over some issues with leadership in the Live the Legend RPG. I poured my everything into because I loved the game and it was an escape from other issues. When a member that was frequently inactive for long periods of time was handed the administrative position I spoke out. I also spoke out about the issues between LTL and JPL staff that was growing. I later got into an argument with JPL leadership and was banned. I did act sort of childish but at the same time, only gave back what I had received.

Its literally been years since than. I've resolved my issues with Ty and said my peace a few times. However, I cant help but to feel like the cloud still hangs over my head.

I have a love for RPGs, specifically LTL, and have attempted to save it to the best of my ability. I created a forum and found tons of the original content to reform it. I tried bringing it into the Jurassic Park community as whole, advertising and link swapping with different JP sites. I bugged the heck out of all the former players I could find to join. Yet, it wasnt enough and it failed.

Now, at least 14 people have voted yes to bring an RPG to mainframe once again. Yet, none have bothered to consider even acknowledging Jurassic Role Play exists. It sucks, a lot.

So now I'm coming here and posting it again as well as in the RPG poll to no avail.

I just dont understand if Im so ill liked due to assumptions about the past or if my work sucks? Maybe no one cares or its all about my personality. I just dont understand why I seem to be as valuable as fish crap at the bottom of a pond.

So, if anyone could explain or just even acknowledge that I posted this, that'd be great because feeling like a permanent outcast among you really sucks. I'm just trying to either clear the air or clarify the hints to go away that I've been missing.

Most people don't like having to hop sites to be apart of something supposed to be connected. Plus you were making it at a time where this place was dead (mostly). Now it's different because this place is alive now.

On that note, yes the site was dead-ish. However, my attempts to establish an affiliation were never really acknowledged either. That may or may not have helped. The fact that it was, ties back into the out cast part. Also, yes, some may not like hoping sites but my intent was not to limit to the RPG to a single audience in which some members might be turned away by issues that formerly existed with JPL, so it made sense to me.

Finally, I did attempt to have something to do with the RPG here, applying to be staff and playing. I feel like my application fell on deaf ears because of who I am, so I decided to go where the "cloud of former judgement" couldnt linger over my head.

I dont mean to sound rude or anything, just expressing how I feel about all of this.

I wouldn't say people are ignoring you (or anyone). And I doubt people even think of JPL anymore (we've all moved on and adapted to Mainframe, I'd say).

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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Mon 11 Dec 2017 - 12:07

Please know @Spiegal , that I didn’t ignore you, I in fact responded to your comment and advised that we were merely guaging interest at the moment but when the time comes consider all options. Given your commitment to text RPGs we would definitely consider some form or merger or having you on board.

I cannot comment on your application for staff at the previous time as I wasn’t a part of the RPG process. Please do know that we value your membership and the fact that you chose to be here. We’ve had some good conversations over the years and hope they continue. If you need to talk further feel free to private message me.


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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Wed 13 Dec 2017 - 22:25

Well, if you've been following my Twitter, you know what I'm about to say. It's going to be hard to sum up everything that's happened, but I'll try to hit the major points. I found out that Bryce Dallas Howard tweeted some really terrible things about autism. As a fan with autism, I was heartbroken. I spent the next week breaking down emotionally, all the while trying to contact her to set things right, but to no avail. I've watched her replying to neurotypical fans. I've watched them singing her praises in return. Meanwhile, I've been left wondering why Bryce would tweet an article that compared people like me to AIDS. And after days and days of emotional distress, the attacks finally started. People said that I was being rude by expressing my anguish. I've been blocked by so many Bryce fans, it's not even funny. I thought they were my friends, but neurotypicals only care about autistic problems until they start to make them feel uncomfortable. I've lost so much weight and sleep. My doctor says I'm not doing well. I believe her. I rarely feel happy anymore, and nothing seems to be getting better. People keep telling me to cheer up, but how on earth can I keep living in a society that continues to ignore discrimination against my kind? Why is it up to me to take this abuse with a smile, instead of people acting like decent human beings in the first place? Everything is turning to shit. I've been having thoughts of suicide, and my options are fading away one by one. I don't know how much longer I can take this. I think my message will only reach Bryce if I die. Even if it doesn't, I at least won't have to endure this pain anymore. My life has been a never-ending cycle of hatred and loss. If I survive this, it'll only be a matter of time before the next big event brings me right back where I started. If the discrimination doesn't end, I will.

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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Thu 14 Dec 2017 - 9:09

@Lord Kristine wrote:
Well, if you've been following my Twitter, you know what I'm about to say. It's going to be hard to sum up everything that's happened, but I'll try to hit the major points. I found out that Bryce Dallas Howard tweeted some really terrible things about autism. As a fan with autism, I was heartbroken. I spent the next week breaking down emotionally, all the while trying to contact her to set things right, but to no avail. I've watched her replying to neurotypical fans. I've watched them singing her praises in return. Meanwhile, I've been left wondering why Bryce would tweet an article that compared people like me to AIDS. And after days and days of emotional distress, the attacks finally started. People said that I was being rude by expressing my anguish. I've been blocked by so many Bryce fans, it's not even funny. I thought they were my friends, but neurotypicals only care about autistic problems until they start to make them feel uncomfortable. I've lost so much weight and sleep. My doctor says I'm not doing well. I believe her. I rarely feel happy anymore, and nothing seems to be getting better. People keep telling me to cheer up, but how on earth can I keep living in a society that continues to ignore discrimination against my kind? Why is it up to me to take this abuse with a smile, instead of people acting like decent human beings in the first place? Everything is turning to shit. I've been having thoughts of suicide, and my options are fading away one by one. I don't know how much longer I can take this. I think my message will only reach Bryce if I die. Even if it doesn't, I at least won't have to endure this pain anymore. My life has been a never-ending cycle of hatred and loss. If I survive this, it'll only be a matter of time before the next big event brings me right back where I started. If the discrimination doesn't end, I will.

I'll preface this by saying that, although we had sort of a falling out on Twitter a while back, I still care about you and hate to see you suffering like this. I won't pretend to understand what you're going through. All I can tell you is that I, along with all of us here, care about you, and that even if we can't possibly understand what you're going through, you don't stand alone.

Also, I think Bryce just addressed you. https://twitter.com/BryceDHoward/status/941351960099266560

I hope this helps.

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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Thu 14 Dec 2017 - 12:38

Last night, when I was at my wit's end, I couldn't have imagined how wonderful today would be. I was starting to believe that things would never turn around, but they did, and I'm so happy. Also, thanks, TL. It means a lot to me.

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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Thu 14 Dec 2017 - 16:30

Glad to see you're feeling better. Very Happy

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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Thu 14 Dec 2017 - 17:28

It's amazing how my weeks-long depression just turned off and was replaced by an all-time high. This is the best I've felt in ages, it seems like.

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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Thu 14 Dec 2017 - 17:30

I saw that Bryce responded herself is that right? Glad you are okay LK.

Sent from Topic'it App

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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Thu 14 Dec 2017 - 17:45

@Lord Kristine wrote:
It's amazing how my weeks-long depression just turned off and was replaced by an all-time high. This is the best I've felt in ages, it seems like.

Kinda gives one hope in humanity, doesn't it? Razz

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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Thu 14 Dec 2017 - 18:15

@Tyrant Lizard wrote:
@Lord Kristine wrote:
It's amazing how my weeks-long depression just turned off and was replaced by an all-time high. This is the best I've felt in ages, it seems like.

Kinda gives one hope in humanity, doesn't it? Razz

It does. I was so close- SO CLOSE to giving up.

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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Thu 14 Dec 2017 - 18:22

@Lord Kristine wrote:

It does. I was so close- SO CLOSE to giving up.

Goes without saying, but we're all kinda glad you didn't Smile


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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Thu 14 Dec 2017 - 18:57

@Tyrant Lizard wrote:
@Lord Kristine wrote:

It does. I was so close- SO CLOSE to giving up.

Goes without saying, but we're all kinda glad you didn't  Smile


Thanks. I'm glad I didn't too, and I'm really impressed by how this happened at the perfect time.

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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Thu 14 Dec 2017 - 20:10

@Tyrant Lizard wrote:
@Lord Kristine wrote:

It does. I was so close- SO CLOSE to giving up.

Goes without saying, but we're all kinda glad you didn't  Smile


Definitely!

That's some divine intervention if I've ever seen it, LK.

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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Thu 14 Dec 2017 - 20:30

@SmugTheFab wrote:
@Tyrant Lizard wrote:
@Lord Kristine wrote:

It does. I was so close- SO CLOSE to giving up.

Goes without saying, but we're all kinda glad you didn't  Smile


Definitely!

That's some divine intervention if I've ever seen it, LK.

Praise Queen Claire!

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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Thu 14 Dec 2017 - 21:10

@Lord Kristine wrote:
Praise Queen Claire!

Oh, ok. That's not what I meant but okay...! Laughing

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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Sat 16 Dec 2017 - 19:14

I've also got something to vent about JPL. I'm not angry at anyone for shutting it down, but I am quite pissed off (not at anyone in particular, as I have no one to blame) that I was in a mental hospital without access to internet from May to August 2016, meaning that I never got to say goodbye to JPL.
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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Sat 16 Dec 2017 - 23:07

Odd for a first post kind of thing but I've been around here for more than a while and figured why the hell not since I'm going through some stressful things right now, this'll be a long post so feel free to skip over it

So me and my fiancee have been together since we met on an online mobile game four years ago now, at the time I was really struggling with life and kept it to myself to the point it was literally killing me the more I languished around not doing anything. My mum had passed two years earlier from a two year cancer battle, as a quiet, anxiety ridden boy it hit harder than I let on to anyone, but no one noticed or took the time to acknowledge what was going on with me and I was too afraid to speak to anyone. I barely passed high school with C's and eventually dropped out of College just before the year was done and I couldn't even tell you why. My relationship with my dad hasn't ever been anything spectacular and my mum had told me before she was afraid to leave me alone with him because she knows how he treats me. After a few months from dropping out my dad attempted to offload me onto other relatives, therefore leaving my only friends behind, and I practically rot in my Grandma's attic room.

Then I met her and she's been life changing ever since, we'd dated online for so long and earlier this year I had the pleasure of spending 3 months in the USA with her, which is so much better than being on her schedule as there's an 8 hour time difference between us. It was bliss for both of us and neither of us wanted it to stop, so we decided to go the K-1 Visa route. Hired a lawyer, got all our documents sorted and we've had to wait for a good 6 months before hearing any kind of response.
It's been most stressful during this interval because I've had to immediately get over my anxiety, finally get a job and try to get family on board with it that otherwise wouldn't give me the time of day. I had multiple interviews lined up before summer started, I was ready to tackle this head on while dealing with everything else and then my dad calls stating he had a room and a job ready for me, against my better judgment I agree to it, turns out I only had a "room" because he was having another child and then told me the room wasn't ready and threw me in a tent in the back garden while I had to wait for this job for months on end, then he blabbers on about how he doesn't think it's going to work and that he highly doubts I'm going anywhere, like thanks for the support. Wasn't looking good until I started getting paid.

Then it got worse. As well as paying rent he'd asked me to borrow him money for bills that he was so sure he'd give back. Then work stopped for me and he turfed me out to other relatives just earlier this month. Turns out I won't be getting a penny until after Christmas is over and by the time that comes around any opportunity I had at securing the Visa or even just attending the interview will be long gone, ruining something that we've been planning for so long. Tomorrow I get a reply about when my interview will be scheduled, unless I miraculously get some funds together in the next two weeks, I'm done in that regard. I really despise my dad. It's almost like he intentionally did this to me.
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Levine
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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Mon 18 Dec 2017 - 6:31

*personal
My family cant pay for our phones this month (or Christmas, let alone) so I'm living off Wifi at a library 2 miles away. Having such disconnect from the world brings back memories of much harsher times, and it makes me want to vomit.

Atop that, my mom may be talking to my father (who is in jail for constant abuse of us) for reasons I dont understand (I blame it on some form of Stockholm) which I pray doesnt happen. Grades are sturdy for the most part but I have low chances in myself of doing well with these semester exams (Ill do my best). I can barely afford the bus this week and I feel like my own damaging behavior is disconnecting myself from people I consider my friends.

Sigh.

@Randomosaur wrote:
I've also got something to vent about JPL. I'm not angry at anyone for shutting it down, but I am quite pissed off (not at anyone in particular, as I have no one to blame) that I was in a mental hospital without access to internet from May to August 2016, meaning that I never got to say goodbye to JPL.

I'm very sorry to hear about that. Nothing I can really add here except at least you found Mainframe and managed to recoup with us?

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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Mon 18 Dec 2017 - 11:47

@Levine wrote:
*personal
My family cant pay for our phones this month (or Christmas, let alone) so I'm living off Wifi at a library 2 miles away. Having such disconnect from the world brings back memories of much harsher times, and it makes me want to vomit.

Atop that, my mom may be talking to my father (who is in jail for constant abuse of us) for reasons I dont understand (I blame it on some form of Stockholm) which I pray doesnt happen. Grades are sturdy for the most part but I have low chances in myself of doing well with these semester exams (Ill do my best). I can barely afford the bus this week and I feel like my own damaging behavior is disconnecting myself from people I consider my friends.

Sigh.

@Randomosaur wrote:
I've also got something to vent about JPL. I'm not angry at anyone for shutting it down, but I am quite pissed off (not at anyone in particular, as I have no one to blame) that I was in a mental hospital without access to internet from May to August 2016, meaning that I never got to say goodbye to JPL.

I'm very sorry to hear about that. Nothing I can really add here except at least you found Mainframe and managed to recoup with us?

Damn Mateo, sorry to hear about your wifi situation...that sucks.

Also didnt know that about your dad, Im really sorry man. Sad

We're always here for you, man!

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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Fri 22 Dec 2017 - 11:00

@Levine wrote:
*personal
My family cant pay for our phones this month (or Christmas, let alone) so I'm living off Wifi at a library 2 miles away. Having such disconnect from the world brings back memories of much harsher times, and it makes me want to vomit.

Atop that, my mom may be talking to my father (who is in jail for constant abuse of us) for reasons I dont understand (I blame it on some form of Stockholm) which I pray doesnt happen. Grades are sturdy for the most part but I have low chances in myself of doing well with these semester exams (Ill do my best). I can barely afford the bus this week and I feel like my own damaging behavior is disconnecting myself from people I consider my friends.

Sigh.

@Randomosaur wrote:
I've also got something to vent about JPL. I'm not angry at anyone for shutting it down, but I am quite pissed off (not at anyone in particular, as I have no one to blame) that I was in a mental hospital without access to internet from May to August 2016, meaning that I never got to say goodbye to JPL.

I'm very sorry to hear about that. Nothing I can really add here except at least you found Mainframe and managed to recoup with us?
That sucks dude. I hope things turn around for you. Sad

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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Fri 29 Dec 2017 - 6:00

Update:

Well, I can say I'm 1000x times better than before. I'm confident, don't feel low or self-loathing, something I had for so long. I feel super confident and maybe a bit too much, I don't know, it's been a long time since I didn't feel like this, like 10 years or so. I feel good with myself, that's something amazing, to love yourself like you are and to look in the mirror and finally be okay with what you see. I didn't feel like this since ages, it's so good to be emotionally stable, damn, I can't belive I did it. I feel like nothing or nobody can break that again. I'm building an armor against all the negative things. People won't bring me down again.

Just have to fix some traumas that happened some months ago. You know, the stuff with people blocking me on twitter and some people that still trying to harass/stalk me are keeping me off of that social media. I'm still deeply afraid to try it. Well, I kinda wish to remain in contact with some people, that IF they can forgive me for my bad behaviour back then.

And a bit bored too, that's something I don't like. I want to keep my head busy so I can improve. I feel like a much better person.

I wanted to share this progress with you guys because I know I have a lot of people here who cares about me. Very Happy

After so long, I'm victorious again.

_______________
"Chaos theory is a pseudoscience you asshole" - Headcanon line from Sickle_Claw

Former JPL member, Spinosaur4.4.



Last edited by Spinosaur4.4 on Fri 29 Dec 2017 - 6:05; edited 1 time in total
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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Fri 29 Dec 2017 - 6:02

@Spinosaur4.4 wrote:
Update:

Well, I can say I'm 1000x times better than before. I'm confident, don't feel low or self-loathing, something I had for so long. I feel super confident and maybe a bit too much, I don't know, it's been a long time since I didn't feel like this, like 10 years or so. I feel good with myself, that's something amazing, to love yourself like you are and to look in the mirror and finally be okay with what you see. I didn't feel like this since ages, it's so good to be emotionally stable, damn, I can't belive I did it. I feel like nothing or nobody can break that again. I'm building an armor against all the negative things. People won't bring me down again.

Just have to fix some traumas that happened some months ago. You know, the stuff with people blocking me on twitter and some people that still trying to harass/stalk me are keeping me off of that social media. I'm still deeply afraid to try it.

And a bit bored too, that's something I don't like. I want to keep my head busy so I can improve. I feel like a much better person.

I wanted to share this progress with you guys because I know I have a lot of people here who cares about me. Very Happy

After so long, I'm victorious again.

That's great to hear man! I knew things would pick up for you. You always have a friend here at Mainframe! Very Happy

_______________
"The public has an appetite for anything about imagination - anything that is as far away from reality as is creatively possible." -Steven Spielberg
"In the information society, nobody thinks. We expected to banish paper, but we actually banished thought." -Ian Malcolm
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Spinosaur4.4
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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Fri 29 Dec 2017 - 6:21

@Levine wrote:
@Spinosaur4.4 wrote:
Update:

Well, I can say I'm 1000x times better than before. I'm confident, don't feel low or self-loathing, something I had for so long. I feel super confident and maybe a bit too much, I don't know, it's been a long time since I didn't feel like this, like 10 years or so. I feel good with myself, that's something amazing, to love yourself like you are and to look in the mirror and finally be okay with what you see. I didn't feel like this since ages, it's so good to be emotionally stable, damn, I can't belive I did it. I feel like nothing or nobody can break that again. I'm building an armor against all the negative things. People won't bring me down again.

Just have to fix some traumas that happened some months ago. You know, the stuff with people blocking me on twitter and some people that still trying to harass/stalk me are keeping me off of that social media. I'm still deeply afraid to try it.

And a bit bored too, that's something I don't like. I want to keep my head busy so I can improve. I feel like a much better person.

I wanted to share this progress with you guys because I know I have a lot of people here who cares about me. Very Happy

After so long, I'm victorious again.

That's great to hear man! I knew things would pick up for you. You always have a friend here at Mainframe! Very Happy

I'm so glad I could seek help. You know, everyone from here, even the ones that were still mad at me still said for me to try and seek help because it was not okay what I was feeling/doing. I followed their advise after reading quietly their messages and now I'm here. Very Happy

I just wanted to apologize to some peeps here and on twitter for the rantings and hate messages, I wish I could explain to them it wasn't their fault and also it wasn't caused by them. Some bad stuff happened at around 13 october and it set me off badly. Some guys said I can call the police on these people for what they tried to do but I'm still uncertain.

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Former JPL member, Spinosaur4.4.

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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Fri 29 Dec 2017 - 22:53

@Spinosaur4.4 wrote:
Update:

Well, I can say I'm 1000x times better than before. I'm confident, don't feel low or self-loathing, something I had for so long. I feel super confident and maybe a bit too much, I don't know, it's been a long time since I didn't feel like this, like 10 years or so. I feel good with myself, that's something amazing, to love yourself like you are and to look in the mirror and finally be okay with what you see. I didn't feel like this since ages, it's so good to be emotionally stable, damn, I can't belive I did it. I feel like nothing or nobody can break that again. I'm building an armor against all the negative things. People won't bring me down again.

Just have to fix some traumas that happened some months ago. You know, the stuff with people blocking me on twitter and some people that still trying to harass/stalk me are keeping me off of that social media. I'm still deeply afraid to try it. Well, I kinda wish to remain in contact with some people, that IF they can forgive me for my bad behaviour back then.

And a bit bored too, that's something I don't like. I want to keep my head busy so I can improve. I feel like a much better person.

I wanted to share this progress with you guys because I know I have a lot of people here who cares about me. Very Happy

After so long, I'm victorious again.
I'm so glad man, that's awesome! :^)

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Check out our YouTube Channel! Comedy skits and random stuff!
Unto us a child is born, to us a son is given.
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